I crave acceptance. I crave the sugar coated truth. I crave a relationship but at the same time not. I crave.
People say that the people in your life; either that comes or goes or stays, will change you, inspire you, make a difference. Even if they leave, they're gonna leave you with a lesson that you will never forget . You'll learn from the bad experiences and cherish the good memories. But why do I feel like I've learnt nothing and traumatised by the whole thing. Everybody in my life, inclusive of family, makes me crave for a person who does not have that one bad trait ( or traits ) that they have. Try accumulating all of those bad traits from everyone and imagine what I do not want.
I can never find him/her. I can never trust anyone. Not family. Not friends. Not myself. Trust is a complicated concept. You lose it, you bend it, you get it, you love it, you believe in it. But sometimes along the pathway that is your life, you'll find yourself doubting everyone around you, and even yourself. You lose faith in yourself. You'll think you'll never find anyone that can share this life with you, because it's true. Everyone will leave you at some point. But whether they'll come back is the question.
Yeah, we will eventually drift away. What with family and career and LIFE getting in the way. But why can't we be boomerangs; we'll leave and we'll come back. Although not the same exact boomerang but at the core, we still are. Some people may change drastically but why can't we accept the change and embrace it. Unless they change into a douchebag, that's a different story (but behind a douchebag lies a story. true story.)
Accepting reality ? Not really my thing. But when I do, it'll be a heavy emotional baggage that'll I'll lumber around, bumping everyone that comes in contact with me. So beware, world.
14.3.13
30.5.12
Been quite some time..
.. since I've written anything here. Guess I've been fairly happy throughout these past few months. But there surely is a reaason, an unhappy reason, why I'm writing a post now.
I've just finished going to a Volleyball match that didn't happen which will be moved to Friday. I was contemplating on not going, then going since I couldn't let anybody down but what the heck, it's just a game anyways and 10 years from now nobody will remember that I didn't attend the match. So I've decided to not go. Whatever.
And somebody made me realised that maybe my un-boyfriendless-ness is due to my own doings. Maybe I should put abit of confidence in myself like I have put in others. I shall from now on think like the people around me who thinks I am the bomb. Because I am the bomb, am I right ?! Right ! Really ...? Still not sure here, but I must try. Like my mum says, it's good to have guy friends now. I shouldn't be thinking that all the good ones will have someone by the time I'm ready to commit (where in the official and standard answer is mid-uni years till working years), I should be thinking all the good ones and the right ones for me will wait for me. And he is gonna be somewhere out there, alone and single;waiting for specifically me, just as God intended. Insyaallah.
In other news, I would like to spend my holidays very relaxed in a do nothing fashion. So I would like to keep my outings to the bare minimum. Either keep it to the minimum or we just do relaxing stuff like lepak at eah others houses while wearing sweatpants and stalking people on Facebook and watching endless movies. That'll be great fun. I feel like I'm getting older; more boring. The younger me would probably try to go out to shopping malls and such but I guess that time has pass and I now enjoy watching shows online in the comfort of my air-conditioned room. (BUT NOT ALL THE TIME READER, I PROMISE) But I would quite fancy a night out. To party, to dance, to meet people. I can't bloody wait for Prom Night now. Can somebody pick up the pace ? Prefect dinner on the 1st of July. Can't wait for that too.
It's better that we don't really have a tradition of getting dates. It'll be awkward as well as heart-breaking if you didn't get a proposal. Yeah, that's what they're calling them now. Promposal. Lots of elaborate ones, but if it does happen (A miracle I tell you) simple and sweet would do the trick. I would just burst into tears really. Because no guy has ever done that. Sounds pathetic, cannot ! #WomenPower
That's all for now. Good to have a place to say all this. Bye, till next time. /heart
I've just finished going to a Volleyball match that didn't happen which will be moved to Friday. I was contemplating on not going, then going since I couldn't let anybody down but what the heck, it's just a game anyways and 10 years from now nobody will remember that I didn't attend the match. So I've decided to not go. Whatever.
And somebody made me realised that maybe my un-boyfriendless-ness is due to my own doings. Maybe I should put abit of confidence in myself like I have put in others. I shall from now on think like the people around me who thinks I am the bomb. Because I am the bomb, am I right ?! Right ! Really ...? Still not sure here, but I must try. Like my mum says, it's good to have guy friends now. I shouldn't be thinking that all the good ones will have someone by the time I'm ready to commit (where in the official and standard answer is mid-uni years till working years), I should be thinking all the good ones and the right ones for me will wait for me. And he is gonna be somewhere out there, alone and single;waiting for specifically me, just as God intended. Insyaallah.
In other news, I would like to spend my holidays very relaxed in a do nothing fashion. So I would like to keep my outings to the bare minimum. Either keep it to the minimum or we just do relaxing stuff like lepak at eah others houses while wearing sweatpants and stalking people on Facebook and watching endless movies. That'll be great fun. I feel like I'm getting older; more boring. The younger me would probably try to go out to shopping malls and such but I guess that time has pass and I now enjoy watching shows online in the comfort of my air-conditioned room. (BUT NOT ALL THE TIME READER, I PROMISE) But I would quite fancy a night out. To party, to dance, to meet people. I can't bloody wait for Prom Night now. Can somebody pick up the pace ? Prefect dinner on the 1st of July. Can't wait for that too.
It's better that we don't really have a tradition of getting dates. It'll be awkward as well as heart-breaking if you didn't get a proposal. Yeah, that's what they're calling them now. Promposal. Lots of elaborate ones, but if it does happen (A miracle I tell you) simple and sweet would do the trick. I would just burst into tears really. Because no guy has ever done that. Sounds pathetic, cannot ! #WomenPower
That's all for now. Good to have a place to say all this. Bye, till next time. /heart
29.3.12
WARNING : Emotionally Unstable Individual straight ahead
Hi. Why can't a guy use dear with me WHYYYYYYY I don't even know Jawline, I should really not be an emotional wreck over this. DO I WANT A BOYFRIEND OR NOT ? yes no maybe ...... what the bloody fuck. I am incoherent because it's late at night and I'm tire but I have to do stupid Photography stuff and not do my homework and deffo not study. What is wrong in this picture ?
FUCK EVERYONE//
He said he had a dream and in the dream everybody had a reunion during our college years and everybody brought their better halves. He said his girlfriend in the dream was some hot malay chick and said he doesn't mind any other race. IS THIS AN OPENING ? ISN'T THIS A SIGN THAT THE HIGHER POWER IS GIVING YOU A HINT THAT I'M RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU ? I shall stop now. Should I make this blog private dear single reader ? For you only. Takut people will find out. Getting very paranoid now. #notagoodthing
FUCK EVERYONE//
He said he had a dream and in the dream everybody had a reunion during our college years and everybody brought their better halves. He said his girlfriend in the dream was some hot malay chick and said he doesn't mind any other race. IS THIS AN OPENING ? ISN'T THIS A SIGN THAT THE HIGHER POWER IS GIVING YOU A HINT THAT I'M RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU ? I shall stop now. Should I make this blog private dear single reader ? For you only. Takut people will find out. Getting very paranoid now. #notagoodthing
Stupid
Ye la dia mengandung kesian kat dia, TAK KESIAN KAN AKU KE FUCKER ? Bangang sial cakap dengan kau.
ARGH Why do I have to do all the bloody work ? You're suppose to do all this utter crap or we do it together and then tak datang la benda ala. URGH. Who has to mother trucking stayback ? Me. Alone. AND I have to type out shit. Which was suppose to be YOUR job.
This is stupid. Other people in different schools do alot more than me but they're more energetic than me. So are THEY the ones who are superhuman or am I just a whiny bitch ? Probably the latter. I feel like crap. I want to sleep. I want to study. But cannnooottttt. -,-
ARGH Why do I have to do all the bloody work ? You're suppose to do all this utter crap or we do it together and then tak datang la benda ala. URGH. Who has to mother trucking stayback ? Me. Alone. AND I have to type out shit. Which was suppose to be YOUR job.
This is stupid. Other people in different schools do alot more than me but they're more energetic than me. So are THEY the ones who are superhuman or am I just a whiny bitch ? Probably the latter. I feel like crap. I want to sleep. I want to study. But cannnooottttt. -,-
16.3.12
Fictional #1
"She's pretty. Nice too. You mom would like her."
"My mom never met you."
I lamented, "But you know she'll like her better. She's the easier choice."
"She might be the easier choice, but the decision is still hard."
Silence invaded our privacy. It consumed us like waves are to a surfer.
"This reminds me of a poem," I said as I broke the silence.
"What poem ?"
"Two roads diverged. One is familiar and had the better claim and one, the road less taken."
"Which one should I choose then?"
"The road less taken."
"My mom never met you."
I lamented, "But you know she'll like her better. She's the easier choice."
"She might be the easier choice, but the decision is still hard."
Silence invaded our privacy. It consumed us like waves are to a surfer.
"This reminds me of a poem," I said as I broke the silence.
"What poem ?"
"Two roads diverged. One is familiar and had the better claim and one, the road less taken."
"Which one should I choose then?"
"The road less taken."
13.3.12
DON'T FUCKING AMBIK CUTI CAN OR NOT ? DON'T MOTHER FUCKING MAKE ME FEEL BAD BECAUSE I HAVE STUFF TO DO. OTHER PARENTS WANT THEIR KIDS TO ENTER ALL THIS FUCKING ACTIVITIES BUT THEN YOU DON'T WANT. HOW TO GET SCHOLARSHIP ? TELL ME HOW ? FUCK.
Why do we even have to train everyday anyways ? Bloody takde masa sial. Ingat free sangat ke sial. The flying fuck. Rasa nak quit je bangang.
Why do we even have to train everyday anyways ? Bloody takde masa sial. Ingat free sangat ke sial. The flying fuck. Rasa nak quit je bangang.
2.2.12
Game Over.
I should be a psychic. Two days after the post. BAM In a relationship with girlfriend, sans bestfriend. GAME OVER.
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