I feel a bit regretful in the sense that I didn't embrace the teenage culture that has been long associated with teenagers. I.E Sweet Sixteen party, a boyfriend etc. etc.
A bit. A bit.
I know his relationship is going to go onto the next level of stable when he will change his "I'm Married To..." status on Facebook from his best friend to his girlfriend. That will be the time when that voice in my brain will shout (with a particularly deep voice) GAME OVER.
Why all of a sudden these feelings ...? I don't even know him. It's been WOAH 5 years ? Is he going to be another H ? Unrecruited feelings but my heart still flutters everytime I see him ?
NUUUUUUUUUUU NOT ANOTHER H
Why does he have to look more handsome every time I see him SIGH I don't even know him.
This is exactly like H. What have I done with myself.
I shall retreat bye. REGRET REGRET (Over what also I don't know)
30.1.12
18.1.12
Feelings.
The sole person to count on in this whole wide world is yourself. Why can't we have conversations with ourselves and still be sane ? We know what we're thinking about, we won't get on each others nerves, we know what we can or can't achieve. No hopes, no expectations. Maybe I should be a loner ?
I guess now, I know what it feels like when a person decides to push everyone away as an option. But will I ever do that ? I think I can't. Because I care too much about other people and what they might think if I do shun them out of my life.
The truth is I do need people. But I don't want the drama and the kecik hati. Is it not possible to have friends who won't be mad at you ?
I have responsibilities to carry out you know, people count on me. Why do you chastised me for forgetting something ? It's not deliberate, I'm a forgetful person. I'm sorry. Forgetting soemthing does not mean that something is not important, I just forget. It's not intentional.
If I purposely did not do what I'm suppose to do, then I can get punished. I don't care if people don't remember to text me things, I won't get mad if you forgot to Skype with me or whatever. I it just me or is there someone out there who does the same ?
I am pretty jealous of what BARBICUM and N.Qadija has. They seem really great as best friends.
Maybe I should be my best friend. Crying together, laughing together. We can laugh at YouTube videos right ? Lame I know. I kinda wish my sister grows up faster, I can talk to her and she'll always be on my side. But she's not growing up any faster,
Maybe I'll never marry. What if I'll never find a guy ? What if marriage life is too hard for me ? Maybe if I marry me and my husband will fight a lot ? What if he will not be there for me ? to stressful. Maybe I should look into becoming an andartu. That'll be my career path. An andartu. Not an engineer or someone in broadcasting but an andartu.
I almost always cry whenever I blog long posts.
I'll just read again whatever random thoughts that I've written and advise myself about things. I won't be judged. I'll just have me. Sad and depressing.
The blog is the closest I can get to having a pyschologist and a therapy session.
I guess now, I know what it feels like when a person decides to push everyone away as an option. But will I ever do that ? I think I can't. Because I care too much about other people and what they might think if I do shun them out of my life.
The truth is I do need people. But I don't want the drama and the kecik hati. Is it not possible to have friends who won't be mad at you ?
I have responsibilities to carry out you know, people count on me. Why do you chastised me for forgetting something ? It's not deliberate, I'm a forgetful person. I'm sorry. Forgetting soemthing does not mean that something is not important, I just forget. It's not intentional.
If I purposely did not do what I'm suppose to do, then I can get punished. I don't care if people don't remember to text me things, I won't get mad if you forgot to Skype with me or whatever. I it just me or is there someone out there who does the same ?
I am pretty jealous of what BARBICUM and N.Qadija has. They seem really great as best friends.
Maybe I should be my best friend. Crying together, laughing together. We can laugh at YouTube videos right ? Lame I know. I kinda wish my sister grows up faster, I can talk to her and she'll always be on my side. But she's not growing up any faster,
Maybe I'll never marry. What if I'll never find a guy ? What if marriage life is too hard for me ? Maybe if I marry me and my husband will fight a lot ? What if he will not be there for me ? to stressful. Maybe I should look into becoming an andartu. That'll be my career path. An andartu. Not an engineer or someone in broadcasting but an andartu.
I almost always cry whenever I blog long posts.
I'll just read again whatever random thoughts that I've written and advise myself about things. I won't be judged. I'll just have me. Sad and depressing.
The blog is the closest I can get to having a pyschologist and a therapy session.
3.1.12
Psychologist.
Maybe I should get myself a psychologist.
Watched SNSD Dangerous Boys and they had psychologists evaluate the Dangerous boys drawings. One of them had a 'Mask of Depression'. The psychologist said he's trying to be bright on the outside when on the inside he's depressed. Am I like that ? Trying to figure that out.
Watched SNSD Dangerous Boys and they had psychologists evaluate the Dangerous boys drawings. One of them had a 'Mask of Depression'. The psychologist said he's trying to be bright on the outside when on the inside he's depressed. Am I like that ? Trying to figure that out.
Daughter's
Maybe I should call my daughters either Chloe or Olivia or Magda ? Nama Mat Salleh tu. Okay bye.
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