Feelings.

The sole person to count on in this whole wide world is yourself. Why can't we have conversations with ourselves and still be sane ? We know what we're thinking about, we won't get on each others nerves, we know what we can or can't achieve. No hopes, no expectations. Maybe I should be a loner ?

I guess now, I know what it feels like when a person decides to push everyone away as an option. But will I ever do that ? I think I can't. Because I care too much about other people and what they might think if I do shun them out of my life.

The truth is I do need people. But I don't want the drama and the kecik hati. Is it not possible to have friends who won't be mad at you ?

I have responsibilities to carry out you know, people count on me. Why do you chastised me for forgetting something ? It's not deliberate, I'm a forgetful person. I'm sorry. Forgetting soemthing does not mean that something is not important, I just forget. It's not intentional.

If I purposely did not do what I'm suppose to do, then I can get punished. I don't care if people don't remember to text me things, I won't get mad if you forgot to Skype with me or whatever. I it just me or is there someone out there who does the same ?

I am pretty jealous of what BARBICUM and N.Qadija has. They seem really great as best friends.

Maybe I should be my best friend. Crying together, laughing together. We can laugh at YouTube videos right ? Lame I know. I kinda wish my sister grows up faster, I can talk to her and she'll always be on my side. But she's not growing up any faster,

Maybe I'll never marry. What if I'll never find a guy ? What if marriage life is too hard for me ? Maybe if I marry me and my husband will fight a lot ? What if he will not be there for me ? to stressful. Maybe I should look into becoming an andartu. That'll be my career path. An andartu. Not an engineer or someone in broadcasting but an andartu.

I almost always cry whenever I blog long posts.

I'll just read again whatever random thoughts that I've written and advise myself about things. I won't be judged. I'll just have me. Sad and depressing.





The blog is the closest I can get to having a pyschologist and a therapy session.