Social Media

I feel like writing in Times New Roman today. I don't know why.

Social media scares the fuck outta me. What if I don't reply to a tweet fast enough or don't reply period and that person gets mad or whatever. I would always think of the worse, then I can't concentrate on the things that I'm doing. I'll be just spending my time stalking that person, see if they tweet or facebook or tumblr anything vaguely ambiguous about them getting mad at me. But seriously what use is it when I do actually know that they're mad at me? Does it make me feel worse than just me wondering if they're mad at me ?

I don't apologize that well. I don't like to apologize not because of my ego ( a psychologist would say "It is actually partly because of your ego." and I'll just nod and agree ) but because I don't really know what the fuck I'm suppose to say or do. And I generally fucking hate it when I have to do things that I do not know how to do. Go make a fool of yourself in front of the public eye; will do. Go fucking book a fucking aeroplane; hell no. Look, if you ask me to ask someone how to do it, I'll gladly do that and do that thing that I'm suppose to be doing, but if there is no someone to ask, yeah .. no. Sorry, but no. There is no handbook to tell me what I need to do to make things better; no clear path. It's not like a recipe where you do exactly what it says and it'll turn out a predictable delicious dish. If I do or say something I can't predict what she will do; and it scares me.

I'm deviating. I always do that. Meh.

I find myself asking "How was the world before social media ?" How did the older generation laugh, or find their soul mate, or make all these "...but I took an arrow to the knee." comments; which are hilarious by the way. I just .. don't get it. You just talk and people will laugh ? We do that now too but it's strangely hard for me to grasp. Maybe we as a generation am too absorbed in social media-ness.

For people like me, who sometimes reply too late or don't reply at all because I spaced out or I forgot or I went on the Internet and got distracted or spaced out. Because I do that a lot. The social media makes people assume and forces people to be constantly online because if you don't you're considered neglecting a friend or not keeping up to date.

What am I going to do if a legitimate boyfriend comes along, I don't think I can handle lor.

I'll be just moping around and shit. Not studying. Not focused. Is this even a legit problem ? Like is this a problem that people might get concerned with or is this a problem that everyone has them and I should just deal with it ?

I read a book and it's called "If We Kiss" and it kinda gave me a new perspective. In my opinion a bad friend is when you're trying to backstab a person and you're a fake friend who just wants to put you down intentionally. Like they want to see you fall flat on your face. I now approve of a friend who wants to take away my boyfriend, I'll be all sad and shit but I'll still be your friend don't worry. Unless you know , he's my husband. Because sometimes they themselves don't know they're falling in love with your boyfriend. If it's intentionally trying to put his dong in your hole then that's a different matter. The bottom line is sometimes people have wants and needs and sometimes it contradicts what you should or shouldn't do. I don't know. To me it's pretty simple ( or not ....? Am I gonna regret saying this ? ) if you do not want to intentionally fucking bring me down, you're a friend.

But the thing is I kinda expect people to do that to me to, to treat me that way. Is that wrong ? Probably. I hope my friends will not do anything to hurt me if I had not hurt them in a really big way. It sounds stupid but what ever. I'm just writing down what's in my mind. I guess putting too much high hopes is not good anyways.